Let’s Stop Comparing Ourselves

Have you ever stopped to wonder how many times a day you compare yourself to another person without even realizing it? I don’t have an exact number but I’m fairly certain that over half of my instinctive thoughts regard comparing myself to another. Since when did self-validation come from other peoples’ consent? Since when did doing what I like become second to doing what everyone else likes?
I think this is something I’m going to struggle with for a lot of my life, and I know many other people struggle with it as well. Growing up, this idea of comparison is pounded into our heads like learning to walk or learning to talk. We’re shown pictures of celebrities who tell us how to look, stories with characters who tell us how to act, and people in school that tell us what’s “cool” and what’s “weird.” It’s this early on-set cycle that is so incredibly overwhelming and so engrained into human society that nobody thinks anything of it. I think it’s time for a change.
It’s time to start telling the children that they need to be their own favorite superhero or favorite princess. It’s time to stop comparing how you look in a dress to how the girl next to you looks in hers. You both look your own kind of amazing. It’s time to stop glancing over to the person on the machine next to you at the gym because you want to know if they’re stronger than you or not. It’s time to focus on YOU.
There are times to be selfless and there are times to be selfish. When it comes to feeling good about yourself, that is a time to be selfish. Focus on you rather than comparing yourself to others. Don’t sacrifice your personal interests because somebody else deems them as weird, or because you’re afraid that somebody else will be better than you.
It’s hard to stop comparing yourself to others when this cycle has been a part of your life for so long, but the first step to stopping it is recognizing it. When you recognize that you are comparing yourself to another, whether friend or foe, I want you to tell yourself that what he or she does/wears/says/likes has no power over what you do/wear/say/like. Let’s stop comparing ourselves to others and start setting our own records.

They Call it Geeky, I Call it Coping

Obsessive. Nagging. Nerdy. Geeky. All of the above. According to both friends and foes growing up, those words seemed to define me. They latched onto me and their negative connotations brought me down day after day. Especially in Middle School; man, that place was a hellhole.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always felt to need to have something to obsess over. A movie, a TV show, a book, a song. I would spend afternoons rewatching Harry Potter or nights reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower over and over and over again. And of course, I would talk just about anybody’s ear off about my current obsession. When I was about 14 years old, I began to notice my friends making fun of me for obsessing over my favorite things, and I sunk into a quiet loneliness in which I would keep my favorites to myself. I started to question what was wrong with me: why am I like this? Why am I such a “geek”?
Over time, I’ve come to realize that this obsessiveness is a part of who I am. I find something that I love and I watch it, read it, or listen to it as many times as I see fit. These things make me happy. And during the long gaps of time during which I’ve lost motivation to read or my favorite TV shows are all off air, I do fall into feelings of depression or sadness. So instead of criticizing myself, I embrace it. Currently, I’ve been binge watching Doctor Who because the story keeps me interested and makes me happy, and the characters inspire me. And I’m proud about it! (Seriously. I’ll talk your ear off if you give me the time…)
I suppose what I am trying to say through all of this is that all of us have our little quirks. But as long as those quirks make you happy, nobody has the right to tell you it’s weird. Do you. Do what makes you happy. Watch those “weird” TV shows and listen to that “annoying” music because as long as it’s making you happy, it’s not weird or annoying. It’s awesome. And to anybody who ever criticized me for talking about what makes me happy: I’m doing me. And don’t you dare try to tell me to stop.

On Self-Empowerment

I figured today I would post about something marginally more up-lifting: self-empowerment.
Growing up, self-empowerment was almost a foreign concept to me. I had always told myself that my feelings of empowerment comes from other people – I wouldn’t feel good about my outfit until somebody told me my shirt was cute, I would be convinced my new haircut was ugly until somebody told me it looked nice, and I would think my grades weren’t good enough until my teacher told me I was smart. It was a cycle: a cycle that became extremely harmful and gave other people the upper-hand on my happiness.
The feeling of empowerment that derives from compliments and kindnesses that others do unto you is totally normal and beneficial. However, there comes a point when one can rely too much on others to bring you up, so much that it brings you down.
To be completely honest, it wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I really began to learn how to empower myself. I am still teaching myself. The first step is to recognize that the only person you need approval from is yourself. Okay, and maybe your parents too if you’re under 18, but that’s besides the point. The second step is to recognize that you are the only person in the world that can make you happy. That statement can be kind of frightening, but you have to look at it positively. Yes, other people can make you feel happy, but you yourself are the one that can make you BE happy.
It’s hard, but it feels so incredibly wonderful to free yourself from that dependency on other people. I’m still working on it. It’s a slow process. But freeing yourself from one negative person at a time feels so good.
My task for you is to find one thing that you can wear, do, see, listen to, say, or sing a day that makes you feel empowered. Maybe your favorite song, your favorite dance, an awesome work-out. For me, it’s wearing red. Sometimes it’s my favorite red flannel, other times bright red leggings, other times something small, like a red bracelet or my red-painted nails. Red is such an empowering color for me and when I wear it, I feel bold. So join me in wearing red, or another color that makes you feel empowered. You are bold, and you deserve to feel that way.

Shout about Suicide

As many of you have probably gathered from the title, this post isn’t going to be particularly light-hearted. Which I know is a bit of a bold move considering this is my first post, but I hope that it can draw in attention. This is a topic that needs to be addressed.

Suicide is tabooed. It’s one of those things that people just don’t talk about. Yet, suicide is the #10 cause of death in the United States. I actually find myself cringing typing this because I can’t believe that, even after losing so many valuable people to suicide, NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT.

So that’s why I figured, why not start something? Why not…shout about it?

To start things off, I want to establish something. I do not believe that suicide is entirely a choice. Depression attaches itself to people and eats away at their lives. Suicide does not necessarily mean that the person wanted to die, but it means that they could no longer live the way they were, with depression or anxiety or sadness or oppression ripping them to pieces day after day. And so, the next person that says “it’s their fault, they decided to kill themselves” will get virtually slapped by me because you sir/ma’am, are completely incorrect.

I do not think that the matter of suicide can be fixed. Mental illness is inevitable. And many people understand this too: since mental illnesses are often hard to diagnose or let alone see in people, the ultimate decision that humanity has come to, from my experience, is to…ignore it. Now, how is that going to help anything? We need to talk about it.

I can say this from personal experience: when a person is having suicidal thoughts, yet feels as though they can’t talk to anybody about it without being threatened to be shipped off to a mental hospital, it gets pretty damn scary. Although suicide should NEVER be taken lightly, it should not be such a scary topic that we avoid it at all costs. The first step is to take down the stereotype of mental illness and make not just the counselors office but instead all of your surroundings a safe place to talk about suicide. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, tell someone. And if somebody tells you they’re having suicidal thoughts, don’t freak out on them, just listen. Let them know it’s okay.

I want to start a movement. A movement that sweeps the nation, which is probably going to be hard, considering I’m a quiet girl from Seattle spending time on her blog instead of doing her schoolwork (college life…). Shout about Suicide. It has a nice ring to it. People need to spread the word, people need to make it okay to have conversations about suicide because way too many lives have been lost due to people becoming so afraid and so isolated by what they are feeling. Talk about it, shout about it, hell, you can even whisper about it. I just need to make the world so that one day I can live in a place where the topic of suicide doesn’t make the entire room fall silent and bite their nails.