Depression in the summertime is not cold, empty, and dark. In the winter, it is all of those things; loneliness, late nights, early mornings, but not in the summer.
In the summer, depression is light so blinding it hurts your eyes. Light you want to step into but don’t know how. It’s feeling alone in a sea of people, buzzing with excitement, trying to buzz with excitement too.
It’s confusing, because you’re not stressed about school, or about holidays, or about anything else that happens during the rest of the year. You have free time – you have fun. You get to see friends, you get to take a break, you get to relax (at least a little). But depression in the summertime, it still latches on and eats away, despite the smiling pictures and the beautiful summer memories.
It’s anger. It’s anger at the mistakes you made during the year, and anger at the people who made mistakes too. It’s frustration, because it’s summer, and you shouldn’t be depressed but you ARE. It’s the tears on your face after a long and great day in the sun when it’s 1:00 AM and you’re still feeling this way and you can’t figure out why. You can’t blame it on school, on lack of sleep, on the weather, because it’s summer. The lumps under your eyes disappear and there’s a hop in your step and people stop asking how you are because they assume you’re all good now.
The thing that scares me the most is the fact that it’s summer, and my depression is still here, and nobody knows but me.